Transform Fear Into Courage One Baby Step At A Time
As a kid in Alaska, my heroes were dog mushers & Mounties.
As a child, I liked to do frightening things. When something was scary, and I pulled up some courage from deep down and faced my fear, I felt brave.
I knew that a little apprehension can be useful to prevent jumping off tall buildings and reduce the likelihood a grizzly bear would eat me. It’s smart to listen to that kind of fear.
Think about the sinking feeling in your gut the first time you do something for the first time. I’m talking about whitewater rafting, spending a night alone in a tent in the backyard when you’re ten, or falling in a cold Alaska lake.
You’ve got to start small, I told myself, and build up to the really terrifying stuff. If I ever backed down when something was tough, I felt myself shrinking inside.
My sisters, brother, and me on our homestead in Alaska, circa 1958.
It all started when I was a little girl.
I idolized my brother, three years older than me.
Because I wanted to impress him, I tried to keep up with whatever he did. If he climbed 20 feet up a tree, so did I, even if it was six inches at a time.
Because we were growing up in the wilderness, there was not much room for weakness. We four kids were 8, 7, 5, and 3 years old, and our parents expected us to keep up on the long hike up the mountain.
Life was different then. People didn’t worry about children quite as much. Dad warned us to watch out for bears and moose and stay close enough to hear the cowbell mom rang to call us for dinner, but that was it.
I remember when J.F.K. was killed, and school closed halfway through the day. The school bus dropped us off three hours early at the usual spot- six miles from our house- but no one knew to pick us up. I don’t remember being worried, we just set off to walk home, big brother in the lead.
Look at the fear and laugh in its face.
I wanted to be Jim Thorne of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I knew him from the Jack O’Brien books, Silver Chief-Dog of the North. I ran behind my imaginary team of sled dogs shouting, Mush! Mush!, cracking my invisible whip.
It would have been tough to be a Mounty like Jim since I’d have to move to Canada, number one, and number two, I wasn’t at all sure girls could enlist.
Nevertheless, he was my role model, and anytime I was afraid, I literally asked myself, “What would Jim do?”
I wasn’t afraid of much, but the dark terrified me. This is not a helpful trait during the long Alaskan winter nights when the bathroom is an outhouse 50 yards from the house.
One morning so early the fog had not yet lifted, and I still needed a flashlight, my bladder called. My method was to shuffle away from the front door, get the outhouse in view, and sprint the rest of the way.
This day, as I neared the corner of the house, I looked up and saw a wolf standing and staring back at me about 30 feet away.
I held my breath for a moment and then asked myself, ‘What would Jim Thorne do?’ He had tamed the half-wolf, half-dog Silver Chief by showing no fear, so I figured that was the best strategy. I backed away towards the outhouse and then ran faster than I ever had before.
Business taken care of, I reversed my route, and the wolf was gone. I figured my show no fear tactic worked.
You might not face a wolf, but you will encounter fear.
Whose voice is in your head? Who is your role model?
Collect heroes in your mind or write their stories in a notebook. I save inspirational quotes from people I admire.
Now I’m older, and I know the frightening things we all may have to face—the death of the ones we love, accidents and illness, unemployment, and injustice.
Adults still need the voices of courage to keep us company when the night is dark.
I was afraid when I left my marriage after 29 years. Scared, I couldn’t live on my own, worried that I’d be broke. But little by little, it got better. I was terrified when my kids had near-fatal accidents.
Now, I don’t think I know anyone who’s not at least a bit afraid. Disease can kill a person, but so can fear and loneliness. We all need to find our bravery and cope the best we can.
We can remind ourselves that courage is like a muscle; the more we exercise it, the stronger it becomes. No, we won’t back down.
Here are a few of my favorite quotes about courage.
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”
Helen Keller, The Open Door
“Always in the big woods when you leave familiar ground and step off alone into a new place, there will be, along with the feelings of curiosity and excitement, a little nagging of dread. It is the ancient fear of the Unknown, and it is your first bond with the wilderness you are going into.”
Wendell Berry, The Unforeseen Wilderness: Kentucky’s Red River Gorge
“If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.”
John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany